Bocce the City

IDEA: City-wide bocce game, like an 18-hole round of golf.

EXPLANATION: Bocce is best played in a variety of environments, with adapted equipment as necessary. For example, to play Bocce San Francisco, start on the Marina Green, then at Pier 39. Play in the Ferry Building on the Embarcadero with a set of soft, light balls that will not damage the floor. Play a round on Market St. before hopping on the MUNI or F trolley and playing a round in transit. Play through the Civic Center and in the Upper Haight. End up at Golden Gate Park for a good four rounds and finish at the beach.

If you have a bocce plan for your own town or city, write it below.

ROYALTIES REQUESTED: Action photos, so I can send the winner a Bocce Medal.

Strip-poker calendar

IDEA: A fund-raising calendar where, as usual, wacky locals pose half-naked — or more naked, depending on how much they raise.

EXPLANATION: The fund-raising calendar featuring twelve stripteasing amateur models — often not the traditional model type — is no longer a novelty. So raise the stakes with fund-raising goals that will get each model to post topless or bare some bum.

ROYALTIES REQUESTED: A 2008 to hang on my wall.

Meme Mashup Matrix

IDEA: A grid showing every mashup of memes (and the gaps to be filled).

ABSTRACT: The Meme Mashup Matrix lists memes or fads on the top and left rows to make a grid like the Mashup Matrix (shown below). When someone’s made a combination of two memes, the cell representing the combination has a link to the artifact.

For example, a row named “Family Guy” and a column named “Peanut Butter Jelly Time” would meet at this YouTube clip:

REQUESTED ROYALTIES: First dibs on filling all the gaps.

Philosophy for kids

IDEA: The great works of philosophy abridged for kids.

EXPLANATION: A Time-Life series of philosophy books by such classical authors as Plato and Aristotle, medievalists like Augustine and Aquinas, Enlightenment thinkers like Locke and Descartes, and modern philosophers such as Sartre, Nietzsche, Derrida, and Foucault. Explains concepts like the ship of state, original sin, and the precession of existence before essence to the K-6 set.

ROYALTIES REQUESTED: An illustrated copy of “Beyond Good and Evil.”

Drunk booklet

IDEA: Laminated booklet that fits in your wallet or pocket.

EXPLANATION: Page 1 reminds you what you always have on you when you’re out drinking — purse, hat, jacket — so you don’t leave anything when you go home. Other pages include a map from your usual drinking locations to home, with clearly marked routes; a list of things you’re likely to do that you should not; names/numbers of those you can call at 2 AM and trust to get you home. Last page is a Paddington-Bear-style notice to show others: “Hi, I’m drunk and I need to get home. Please help me use this booklet to get in a cab.”

To make a booklet, a customer fills out forms on a web site; several copies of the booklet are mailed to the customer.

ROYALTIES REQUESTED: Make me and my friends free booklets for life.